I have had a very interesting few days. Over the past year or so, I have been fantasizing the idea of backpacking across the United States, and in the past few days the idea has grown larger and larger. I have even begun to think of ways of gathering content, and even if I should notify the public that I am doing it for a good cause. I'm not sure which route to take, simply because I'm doing it for 2 reasons, to recover my mental health and to build my relationship with god. I am seriously planning on it. The other night I was overcome by fear when I started to head off into the night, but I had a moment of thought, a pause, a hesitation that lead me back to my bed. I was standing in the middle of the road, afraid of being stuck in the same place I have been in for years, terrified of stagnation in my life and afraid of what I might face. I was so overcome with fear of not being able to put myself through the pain and the suffering that would follow a trip across the country. As it started to rain, I made my way back to my warm bedroom, soft bed and knowing what tomorrow would bring, more afraid then I had ever been. I hate the thought of being afraid to step out of my comfort zone, I hate the thought of knowing I would be caught in the wild, uncomfortable and desperate at times. But I also know that's the only way to force growth, to find myself and to potentially change my life. I am motivated to say I'm dedicated to doing just that... Finding my place in this life...
In my opinion, It's almost over... I'm 36... I need to get busy living... GOD bless tonight and may God be with me as I seek through these ideas of exploration... Good Night & God Bless
NOTE: I will leave, I have talked myself into it, I think out West for a while, at least to find myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment